Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
