Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
