im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
