Michael Bay diarrhea
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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