I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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