Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
