dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Too much gin, very little bucket
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
soo... how was my night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
