Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
