If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
