well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
