I CAN MOONWALK!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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