I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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