It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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