had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
