The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
