Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
