sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My cat gives me a boner
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
