I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
