and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
