Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
