i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
