At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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