dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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