my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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