well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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