Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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