i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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