belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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