Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
