I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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