Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
