Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
