quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
