dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
