Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
