In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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