Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
