If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
