I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
