Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
