Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
