i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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