Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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