maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
