I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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