Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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