I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We had sex on a dog bed..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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