I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
