My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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