Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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