she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
