my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
