btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
