I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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