3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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